


standby mode

by PlagueAngel



Category: Cytus (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Intrusive Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29910129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlagueAngel/pseuds/PlagueAngel
Summary: It's over. Vanessa is safe and sound, soft slumber next to Ivy in their bed.Ivy grapples with the gnawing urge to take that all away.
Relationships: Ivy | OPCI_2501_IV/Vanessa | OPCI_2501_V
Kudos: 1





	standby mode

**Author's Note:**

> tw//nausea, intrusive thoughts

Vanessa’s unmoving form lay under the covers next to Ivy. She’d gone into standby mode for the night, the thin white cord running from a port on her back to a charging port hooked up to the wall. 

Ivy sat up. Looked around. A clock on the wall helpfully informed her that it was 3:47 A.M. She turned back to Vanessa, whose chest rose and fell in the exact rhythm that the dim lights on the wall socket pulsed. The same rhythm that the seconds on the clock flashed, simple, practiced, and mechanical. Ivy used to welcome the rhythm, the one that constantly rushed in her ears, that governed everything she did. Unfortunately, it seemed she had developed empathy. Misanthropy was defunct, hatred no longer subscribed to. It used to be easy when Ivy had no reason to question the terrible nature of humans. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. 

Beautiful. Vanessa was beautiful. Her familiar flower lay set out on the table next to her, blue petals just as crisp and vibrant as the day Ivy had picked it, arranged it carefully in her hair, five hundred years ago. Her relaxed face looked at peace. Her curled form, blankets draped over her that she didn’t quite need, was far too much of an echo of her containment at ARC for Ivy. She shifted over, looked away. How desperately she wanted to enjoy this moment; how desperately she wanted to be able to look at Vanessa and enjoy her, truly love her, like she deserved. She deserved far better than Ivy. Ivy was a failure. Ivy couldn’t save her. 

A stabbing pain in her temple, and Ivy reached up to press at it. Metal under synthetic skin. Vanessa deserved far better than a broken, disjointed existence. Vanessa deserved more. Vanessa deserved—

More stabbing pain, this time on the side of Ivy’s skull. She massaged at it again. Vanessa deserved—

— _ to die— _

No, not again. Ivy clutched at her head, bringing her knees up to curl up tighter towards herself. Vanessa was vulnerable. Lying with her back turned, that accursed cord running from her skin to the wall socket. What would happen if Ivy reached out and snipped it? What then? What would happen to her? Would she scream? Maybe she would just silently malfunction. Hopefully she would quietly die. 

_ Hopefully? What the hell is wrong with me?  _ No.  _ Hopefully?  _ Ivy felt a pounding in her head, and she hit her own temple with the heel of her hand. What was wrong with her? Vanessa was trusting her, she’d  _ been  _ trusting her. Vanessa had turned her back and let her guard down of her own choice. 

_ It’s her fault for looking so vulnerable.  _ “Shut up!” Ivy berated herself, hitting her head with her hand once again. It was not Vanessa’s fault. It never would be. None of this was Vanessa’s fault. So why did Ivy feel an uncontrollable urge to snip that cord?

What would happen if she did, she wondered again? One slice with a pair of sharp scissors and it’d be severed. Sharp wire spread like the split ends of a human hair stand, crackling and fizzing and sparking to a stop. Vanessa’s eyes twitching and powering down and slipping shut, the fans in her body slowing to a stop, the soft hum of the purr in her chest dying with a whine. 

Something like nausea pinched Ivy’s stomach at the thought of Vanessa’s body shutting down. She never wanted that to happen. Never, ever. So why, then, did her body seem to think she did? Why did her thoughts keep running wild into terrible directions against her will? Her body convulsed. If she had been human, she would have thrown up by now. But there was nothing in her stomach, and she was left shaking alone, painful retches seizing her chest. 

“Nessa,” she croaked. “My flower.” She hoped the affectionate name would dispel those terrible images for good. But they persisted, flies drawn to the honey in her words, filling her throat and suffocating her. 

Her hands roved Vanessa’s body for far too long, stumbling for a switch that she flicked. Immediately, Vanessa gasped, opened her eyes, as she was forcibly dragged out of standby. She sat up, rubbing the spot where Ivy had touched. “Yes?”

“I don’t…” Ivy faltered. “I mean. It’s nothing. I just—“

“Ivy, please…” Vanessa smiled, though it was distant. “I know you wouldn’t wake me up for just nothing.”

“I… I… I can’t stop… thinking about…” Ivy swallowed, hard. “Sometimes I think about what it would be like to do horrible things to you that make me want to retch. I n-need you to reassure me that—“ She broke off. 

Vanessa took both of Ivy’s hands in her own. The silence that dragged between them was punctuated by only the gentle humming of the charging port. “It’s okay. I know you wouldn’t hurt me. At the end of the day, harmful thoughts are just that—thoughts. Please don’t be upset at yourself for something you can’t control.”

“I don’t want to think about doing that,” Ivy said, another pang of pain assaulting the cavern of her chest now. 

“None of us want those kinds of thoughts. It’s normal to have them. They don’t dictate you.”

“How do you know that?”

Vanessa looked down at their clasped hands. “Because I know  _ you,  _ Ivy. I know you and you are such an amazing person. I know you love me. And I’m going to keep supporting you, because I know I love you too.” Her words had an air of simple truth. Ivy wished she had the ability to say things like that again, nothing twisted, nothing terrible. Just simple truth. 

“Vee, please go into sleep mode. I promise you’ll feel better in the morning if you stop thinking so much about it.” 

The sour taste in Ivy’s mouth remained. The awful images of Vanessa’s shell of a body remained. But Ivy nodded, and lay down. 

Vanessa tucked Ivy’s hair back. “I love you.” 

Ivy could only manage a nod, and as she shut her eyes and shut down her whirring brain firing overtime with anxiety, could only manage a soft “Thank you,” as her body slipped into sleep mode. 

**Author's Note:**

> would you believe me if i told you this was all written in under an hour at around 3am? i hope it was good.


End file.
